My short:

This lockdown has been extremely tough for me. I never realised that I used to escape from my house.. I spent most of my time at the academy working, to not be at my house. I went and visited friends and spent a lot of time with my boyfriend to escape my house.

Dn’t ge the wrong I am very privileged, so I don’t feel like I can complain about anything. I have a loving family who are still together. But like any family there are definitely some issues.

I became extremely depressed over this period of time because I was stuck in this house and being in my parents presence the whole time. I felt like I was surrounded by chaos, frustration and stress 24/7. My parents are lovely but things can become really frustrating and stressful. I don’t mind my house but it is not a place where I feel like I can relax because I hate being in the presence of high stress, and anxiety. I feed of others emotions and imitate it. Thus when things are chaotic I become very anxious and I feel like I just want to breakdown and scream.

This lockdown has made my realise that my parents aren’t exactly the great parents I thought they were. I am not going to go into the finer details but there has been many times where I felt like I had to step up and be the parent myself.

I still love my family regardless and I know there are people who go through extremely tough times and I am very fortunate. But this is my reality atm and I am struggling.

I am also someone that never does anything for myself and I don’t like being alone. So during this time when I had to suddenly be by myself I realised there is nothing I enjoy doing for myself, by myself, for myself.

The only thing I sometimes do when things get a bit much is to sit in front of my piano and play something (not a specific piece – I come up with it on the spot) and as I play my mind drifts away.

I link emotions with moving picture. Especially music. If you were to ask me what my fav song is.

The synopsis:

I am stuck in chaos. Filled with axiety and stress. I am overwhelmed. There is too much going on around me. I walk to the one place I can express myself and feel peace.

I run my fingers across the white and black keys of my old piano. I know what I am doing but at the same time I am lost. My mind drifts to someome running down the road in slowmotion. I see the waves of the ocean crash against the sand. I see someone dancing. I see my hand outside the car window, pushing against the wind. I see a girl drifting in water. I see freedom. I see peace.